It was absolutely the right person at absolutely the wrong time. It was devastating. This is someone that I love very much and in two or three years I would very much like to have a baby with him. But when I took the pregnancy test, I just thought: I cannot have a baby now. But it felt like it happened with the right person, and to have to interrupt it was really horrible and stressful.
I had the abortion at a doctor's office that provides all kinds of women's health services. All I found were these women... we were all from completely different walks of life, different socio-economic classes, different colors and we were all just so supportive of each other. We were talking to each other: Can I get you anything? Are you alright? It's going to be OK. Are you bleeding a lot? How do you feel? I think I never felt more part of a community and more mutually dependent on a community than I did in those moments. There were no judgments. And the people who ran it were so kind at every step.
The following evening I had dinner with a friend who told me that she had also been through it, but years ago before it was legal. That really put my experience in perspective. As hard and emotional as it was to have to do all of that during a time when you might get arrested, when it might not be safe, when you might die yourself... it put mine in perspective. Now we have the luxury of worrying about our emotions as they relate to it.
It's a funny thing, because I feel more personally pro-life but more politically pro-choice than I could have ever possibly imagined. It's fascinating. I think about the people making political choices about it. How many of their sons have gotten women pregnant and never had to think about it again?
I've always been a huge fan of children. I'm ridiculous with babies, and I have to say, if anything, I'm even more a huge fan of babies now. It's almost like the baby I didn't have is manifested in every other baby. I went through something that was incredibly painful for me. I gave up something that mattered: a little amalgam of me and my husband-to-be... that somebody I really look forward to meeting someday and I hope I get to in some form. But I feel like that spirit is embodied in a cherry tree or a blue sky or a pebble I throw in the ocean... or a little three-week-old baby that I'm cuddling. They're always magical, but I feel like I've come out the other side of this with a little bit more sadness in me but also a little bit more of an appreciation for new life.