Today I took the first abortion pill. Tomorrow, at 3:00, I will have taken the last four pills to end my pregnancy. I think I am typing this to share to the world because I know my story is unique in many ways.
I was nineteen when I realized I was pregnant the first time. This pregnancy was planned. It's what I wanted to do when I got out of high school; I wanted to be a mother. I wanted to cook, clean and, yes, I wanted to change diapers! Shortly after our first child, we had our second child. It was planned again, yes. We wanted two little girls close in age, they are sixteen months apart. I love every minute of every day with these little girls!
After we had been settled into our new life for awhile, my husband's step-son came crashing into our world, and I will tell you why I say crashing! My step-son's birth mother (I don't call her his mom anymore-- it's been a few years since we have had him now) stabbed her boyfriend to death. While on trial they had opened up her previous boyfriend's death case and realized she was responsible for his death as well. So it has been really hard to get comfortable with this new angle in my life. None of his family from his birth mother's side wanted to be there for him. I fell in love with him and was happy I did not have to go through another pregnancy. SWEET!
It wasn't easy though. Even though my husband and I planned our girls, we didn't plan how tough it was going to be. Becoming a mother, no matter what age you are, is LIFE ALTERING. So now that we have three kids to bring up in this sometimes harsh and amazing world we decided that's enough, it's perfect and feels right!
So here comes the hard part...
I found out I was pregnant from a busted condom about three weeks ago. I was scared. The first thing I thought about were my three kids... how was this going to work? I could be taking so much away from these three children. If I do go through with this pregnancy, will I be able to handle the stress? Can I afford this? There were so many things to think about. My husband and I sat down and got seriously lost in the world of "what ifs" and "how comes." We realized that this is just what has to happen. Not because we are greedy or cold hearted. It was because in our eyes it was the right thing to do for our family. It is a choice I will think about a lot, might have to suffer a bit, but it's a choice I was given thanks to our society of strong and knowledgeable women who care!
I am also very comfortable with this method of abortion. It seems natural to me.