At the end of October 2010, I had an abortion. I still mourn it, and whenever I'm alone left with my thoughts, I ball my eyes out about it. Earlier October I missed my period and I just had a gut feeling I was pregnant. I told my boyfriend and he got a pregnancy test for me. It was positive. I had planned on waiting to tell my mom because I wanted to talk to a counselor about it. I was so scared and my mom's birthday was the next day, including my first homecoming dance.
But somehow my mom and my boyfriend's mom found out. They where EXTREMELY disappointed and did not support me at all. At first my boyfriend was supportive but as time went on he became less and less supportive. In the end, my mom, her boyfriend, and my boyfriend's mom, dad, and brother all wanted me to get an abortion. my mom repeatedly told me I had no other choice, and that if I decided to continue with the pregnancy that she wanted nothing to do with me and that I would no longer be allowed to live with her.
I felt alone and scared and had nobody to support me or care about what I wanted or felt was best. After having everyone tell me I had no other choice, I made a decision to have the abortion. I went in and I wanted to take the (pill) abortion because that felt more natural to me. But I was talked out of it and they signed me up for the surgical abortion.
Things happened quickly and I wanted to stop everything. I wanted to make the doctor stop and I wanted to leave but it was to late. They gave me anesthesia for the abortion but what kills me is that I was awake and I could still feel what was happening. I wanted to be out cold so badly. I still replay the procedure and that day again and again in my head and I can't erase it.
After the abortion, I sat in the room for an hour with crazy painful cramps. And bleeding. But after that I felt relieved about it. But as time went on the feelings about what happened settled and got more and more painful. I don't know why I'm so upset. I just hope to feel better...