I waited a week for my period before buying two tests. I wasn't surprised at all that they were both positive. A few days earlier I had calmly made a flow-chart of my options if my period never came.
Keeping the child would require both my boyfriend and me to drop out of school. He is close to graduating from medical engineering and business programs, and I am in school to become a medical researcher. Dropping out would obviously completely and permanently change our lives. And not for the best, by any means.
I had always thought that if I became pregnant before I was ready, I would give the child up for adoption, and that abortion was cowardly and selfish. However, adoption turned out to be another bad option. My parents and my boyfriend's parents would not have allowed that to happen. For both sets of parents, this would have been the first grandchild-- actually for my parents, this would have been the first grandchild whose life they would have had a chance to be part of. They would not have allowed me to give the child up for adoption.
That left abortion. At first I was unsure that it was the right choice, and that uncertainty was excruciating. As I thought through it, I realized fully that abortion really was the best choice. So I made an appointment with a clinic.
The procedure was as fast as I had been told it would be, though a little more painful than I had expected. I chatted with the doctor and surgical assistant the entire time, and didn't think about what was happening. I put that off for later. While resting with my boyfriend, I became aware that my uterus felt empty, and then it was impossible not to focus on that feeling. It was emotionally painful, and the last time I cried over terminating the pregnancy.
I know my decision was the best one for me, as well as everyone who was involved. I don't regret it.