I had my first abortion when I was 22 years old. I took the pregnancy test three times, and each time came back negative. I felt like crap, puking morning, noon, and night. I was tired, cranky, and my boobs never hurt so much, and were never that big. I knew something was up. I was three months pregnant when I found out. I was terrified. I had no idea what to do. I decided to keep it.
When I told my family, they were shocked and very supportive. They wanted to make sure I stayed in school and they promised that they would help me in every way possible. Things were fine for a bit, but I started to feel more lonely and more depressed than ever before. I know I had my family, but I wanted a partner, and I didn't have that, and I sure as hell didn't want the father of the baby in my life. One night I couldn't stop crying. My mom came to see if I was okay. I broke down to her, I said I was miserable and I wish I wasn't pregnant. She told me that I didn't have to be. What do you mean? What about Dad? He is pro-life and will hate me? He doesn't have to know. My mom came up with a plan that she would send me the money for an abortion. I will call her when it was done, and she would tell everybody that I had a miscarriage.
When I went in for the abortion, I was scared and sad. I had planned to keep this baby, and I was terminating her (I swore she was a girl, I even named her). I started crying, I didn't think I could go through with it. It wasn't until I saw other women in the same place, going through what I would go through. One woman said she just could afford to have more children. She had to. This wasn't about financial stress, or that I would be out in the streets. I wouldn't have to give up college, but I would have to give up my life and trade it in for one that I was not ready to have. After I had the abortion, I felt a wave of relief. My family came up shortly after and took care of me. I will always be grateful to my mother for helping me. Without her, I would not have been able to go through the procedure.
My mother had me very young. I asked her why she didn't have an abortion, and she said she was too scared. This may seem like an odd thought to end with, but growing up I always knew my mother didn't want me. She was busy with college and her career. She should have had me later, and it wasn't until later that we were able to bond and I got a different perspective of her own choices. Today, I have two beautiful daughters who are my life, and a career that I love.