It only happend a few months ago but feels like yesterday.

I was 18, and I have been with my bf for nearly 2 years now. I have never thought about having a baby, it might have crossed my mind once or twice, but when I fell pregant I didn't know what to think. I usually always remembered to go for my depo shot, but for some reason it just didn't happen once.

I started feeling nauseous and was going to the bathroom a lot. I had a feeling why I felt this way, so I bought a pregnancy test just to be safe, and there it was, positive. My heart sank. I was excited, nervous and scared. I broke down in tears then and there, I knew that my parents would kill me if they found out I was preganet. That night I was to meet my bf and as soon as I saw him, I started crying once again. I sat down and told him I was preganet. He looked like he was in shock, and of course, he was.

Once we got back to my place that night we started talking about how we would do this, what we would do. We both knew we couldn't afford to have a baby, we didn't even have a place of our own. He started telling me he can hardly make enough money for himself, let alone a baby as well. After a long night of tears and arguments, we both agreed that an abortion is our only option. The next day I made a doctor's appointment, saying I was preganet and I didn't want it. The doctor gave me a list of places I could go, and he told me it would be better if I had an ultrasound first to find out how far along I was. Four days later was my ultrasound appointment. Sitting in that waiting room seemed like forever. Finally I was lying down on the bed, and up on the screen was my little baby. I was already 9 weeks. I looked over at my bf and he had the slightest smile on his face. Once we got back to the car, we both looked at the ultrasound pictures and my bf burst out in tears. I couldn't help but do the same. But we still both knew what had to happen.

By the time my abortion appointment was here I was 11 weeks. We drove down to my bf's sister's house where we stayed before and after the abortion. She knew. That day my bf drove me to the clinic and I filled out the paperwork. Then it was time for him to leave and for me to go and get ready. I kissed him bye and he said, I will be right here when you get out. First I had to have a short counseling session to see if this was really the right option for me, then I had to go take off all my clothes and put on a gown. Once all that was over, I was left sitting in a room wearing nothing but a pink gown, waiting for my name to be called. When I was in the operating room, all I can really remember if staring at the picture of the frog on the roof then waking in another room, fully dressed. I was still real groggy. I walked out to find my bf standing right where I left him three hours ago.

We drove back to his sister's in silence.

I still think about my baby every day! I burst out in tears randomly and people ask what's wrong and I just look at my bf and he helps me, helps me get through it. I'm still with him to this day, and I hope we can have children together when the time is right.