I became pregnant after sleeping with a guy I was friends with but had no real feelings for. It was the weekend of my birthday and I hadn't had a proper boyfriend in a year, and I suppose I missed the closeness. I didn't want to sleep with him per se, but after a while I guess it just happened, even though I remember saying "no" about three times before I pretty much just said, "screw it." I wanted to feel sexy and attractive and wanted.
We used a condom, which broke. I explained to him I'd have to take the morning after pill, as I wasn't quite sure where I was in my cycle. I had no money at the time and he told me he'd give me money the next day. All up it cost about 70 Euros-- the equivalent of $80. So, nothing to sniff at. Anyway, he never came back with the money and wouldn't answer my calls. So I borrowed from someone else, but by then I was into hour 50 (you have to take the morning after pill by 72 hours with decreased chance of efficiency the longer you leave it).
Anyway, I assumed once I'd taken the morning after pill I'd be fine. Then my period was late... really late. I moaned to my friends but insisted it would come-- the pill I took can wreck your cycle. But after two weeks my friend showed up at my door with a test. We sat around and waited. I went to the bathroom to check on the test and it was positive.
Abortion is illegal in Ireland, which compounds the feelings of criminality. After narrowly avoiding the Christian right-wing groups who try to talk girls out of their decision by showing them tapes of aborted fetuses, I finally found a clinic, which gave me the phone numbers of British abortion clinics.
I booked into the clinic for the following week. The decision wasn't made lightly but I was firm in my resolve not to proceed with the pregnancy. The guy would have been a totally rubbish boyfriend and father (perhaps something I should have considered before stupidly sleeping with him, but we all make mistakes) and I knew I wasn't ready to have kids. I had a lot of trauma in my life and knew I had barely gotten myself together, let alone be able to look after a child, one whom I would resent and be unable to look after properly... I just knew in my gut I was doing the right thing.
I made the trip of shame to England with a friend. I confided in my aunt because I needed her to loan me the money. It cost about 1,500 Euro altogether (about $1,800) because of flights, accommodation and the procedure.
I had a medical termination at five weeks. I opted for a medical abortion over a surgical one because I'm nervous about general anesthetic, but really felt the medical one in hindsight was infinitely more traumatic, as I had to stay at the clinic for three days and found the entire process so awful.
Looking back, I know I did the right thing, but sometimes I cry for the little soul who I couldn't look after. I don't feel guilty though. I would love to meet another girl who has had this experience but none of my friends have.