My story begins almost five years ago, when I was 21. I had a beautiful baby girl. The thought of having an abortion never crossed my mind. I was the person who frowned on all the women who even though or talked about having one.
When I had my daughter, I went through what you would call the baby blues, during my pregnancy I had lost my grandmother who was like a mother to me, the loss of her and having a baby I wasn't ready for did a number on me emotionally. It was tough trying to take care of a baby and grieve for the loss of my grandmother. I just wanted to lay in bed all day and cry. My significant other worked nights so during the day she slept and would be gone all night. So I didn't have the support from her when I needed help. After a three year relationship with her that she ended, I was crushed. Not to mention, I haven't slept with a man in years, so after that devastating breakup I went over the edge and one drunken night, I did it, had sex with a man. (Isn't that how one becomes pregnant? lol)
Well, after a month, I knew something wasn't right and bought a test. Sure enough I was, I didn't know what to do. I wasn't emotionally ready for another child, I couldn't take care of this baby and go through what I went through with my daughter. The first person I could think of to call was my aunt; she has always been my support during rough times. So I told her I knew I couldn't have this baby, and she agreed. She told me to take my time and make sure it was what I wanted to do.
But I knew, I knew what I wanted to do. I knew I had to have an abortion, but what kills me now, two years later, is that I wonder if I really made the right decision. But in my heart I know I did. I knew I couldn't raise two children, not now, not alone. My girlfriend now does not know that I did this. I can't tell her... she is so anti abortion, and it kills me when they talk about it on the news and she makes her snide comments. I just want to yell at her and tell her that she does not understand what is going on in these women's lives. She don't understand why they have to make these decisions. Everyone deserves to be able to make their own choice about these things. Now that I have been there, I know what it's like and why I had to do it. Do I regret my choice? Yes I do, every day. But in the end I know that it was the best thing for me to do at the time and that it's ok to regret these decisions. It has taken me a very long time to understand that.