It felt like I had been sick for two months. So one day I called my hospital and made an appointment to see my doctor. I was at my boyfriends' house the day of my appointment, and at 9am my best friend had called me and she was crying really hard. She explained to me that she just found out she was four months pregnant. I couldn't believe it! But I sat there on the phone and tried to listen to her.
As soon as I got off the phone with her I looked at my boyfriend and told him that I was seeing the doctor that day to ask for a pregnancy test. I never really trusted the home tests anyways. We talked about our options if it came up positive, and we were both really sure abortion would be the only answer. I wasn't too worried about it, I had a gut feeling I wasn't pregnant anyway, but I just wanted to be double sure.
Silly me, the test came out positive. We both knew we couldn't keep the baby. I am just an apprentice and he doesn't have a very stable job. We both still live in our parents house, his parents were not supportive but mine were. I asked EVERYONE what I should do and I always got the same answer.. "You do what you think is right for you." I always told my mom, "you are always so good at bossing me around when it comes to other things, why can't you boss me around now?!"
The next day I made an appointment for an ultrasound. They told me it was either too early to tell if it was a viable (real) pregnancy or I was going to miscarry. After that I waited for a miscarraige. I had been spotting for almost a week, and I figured if it was a natural death I wouldn't feel as guilty. But it never happened. So I booked an appointment at the one and only clinic I could find, and the waiting list was three weeks! So I got a date set.
Three MISERABLE weeks passed and I had done a lot of soul searching. Having a baby right at the time was not a good idea. My boyfriend and I had been together for two years and we have many years ahead of us in this relationship, so why rush it? I am just starting my career which I love... why stall everything? I may not get the energy or the time to finish what I've started. And my health, I'm not the healthy at all at this point in my life.. I smoke half a pack of smokes a day, I eat out as often as I can, and it's all greasy fast food. I don't have time to excercise, or so I tell myself.. It just wouldn't be fair to a child. When my life slows down and so do I, then it will be fair.
I just got my abortion very recently. I'm scared that the people that know I had an abortion will disrespect me, or just look down at me for the rest of my life. I feel as though I made the right choice for me. It was definitely not an easy choice, but I made it, and there's no turning back now... Nobody forced me to do this, but I just hope it's something I don't regret later in life.
I know millions of people get abortions every day for different reasons. I don't feel alone. I just hope this was a first and last time for me. I hope that the next time I find out I'm pregnant, my boyfriend and I will be more than just dating and settled down with careers and living together. But now that this experience is over, all I can do now is move forward and not dwell on the past.