I had started dating my boyfriend, who I am still with now, in 1997. He was the most wonderful guy in the world when we met and started dating. I could not believe how lucky I was. Well, we started having sex after about a week of dating and it was unprotected. But I was 16 and thought I would not get pregnant if he did not cum inside me.
Boy was I wrong! About seven months after we started dating we found out I was pregnant. I was so scared because my mom was not the most understanding person in the world. I mean she would NEVER talk to me about sex. All I was told was, "don't do it." Well, we finally told my mom and of course she screamed at me and threatened me. Then when she calmed down we got together with his mom and dad and tried to figure out what was going to happen. They all kept telling me that it was my decision, but in truth his parents and my mom really wanted me to get an abortion. He, however, made me feel that no matter what I decided he would stand by me, always. With the basic influence of my mom, mostly, I decided to have the abortion.
I have to say that it was the worst experience of my life. We first went to a clinic and they told me that I was too far along to have the procedure. This terrified me. Then we went to a hospital that performed abortions and they said I was about a week from the cut off time to have an abortion. So I had the procedure done. They would not let anyone in the room with me, not my mom, his mom, or even him. I was all alone having this horrid procedure done. I ended up holding the nurse's hand and crying while they were sucking my insides out. Then once that was done they let my mom come in the room which was NOT who I wanted. I wanted my boyfriend to just hold me.
Well about six months after all this was over I started to feel so depressed and went to the doctor who put me on depression medicication. To this day I am on medication but it is not working. I need to feel again. I want to know why I still feel like this after all these years. I hurt, I am angry, and I feel so guilty. I have tried writing down my feelings. I even tried writing a letter to my baby who I feel was the little girl I have wanted, and nothing soothes the pain. If anyone has any thoughts, let me know.