I was about 8 weeks along.
My boyfriend and I got pregnant the first time we had sex with each other. The night after he had made a joke that I may have been pregnant. In our ignorance, we talked about what we'd name the child.
Then about two weeks went by, I had not gotten my period. Another week went by and my boyfriend encouraged me to make an appointment at Planned Parenthood.
Another week went by, and I called to make an appointment for a pregnancy test.
I arrived to my appointment and when they called me into my doctor's room, I waited for the nursed to come in, praying she'd say that the test came out negative.
The nurse came inside, didn't even say hello or ask me how I was doing before she said, "It came out positive, are your surprised?"
"No", I responded. The nurse said that was the reaction she usually got, and the doctor would come in to give me a sonogram.
The doctor asked me if I'd want to know it was twins, I said no. She asked me if I wanted to see a picture, I said no and then changed my mind. My boyfriend has kept that picture in his pocket since that day.
Finally, about three weeks later, the day of my termination came.
The feeling of relief I felt after was something I'd never felt, and I assume I will never feel again.
I know I made the right decision being only 19 years old and not knowing what I was going to do with my life at that point.
But I also know I will always wonder, I will always think, What was the sex? What color would its eyes have been? Would it have been skinny like my boyfriend or short like me?
But I know I made the right decision. As hard as it may be to see my friends with children. Or the effects it has had on my body since that day (3 months ago November 1st). Or as sad as I may get just knowing that something great could have happened - deep down I know, that that baby and I would have struggled our entire lives.
I only hope that my child can forgive me. That my child can know I wasn't only thinking of myself, or being selfish. That I was thinking what was best for him or her too, because it would have had a difficult upbringing. I love my child, even though I had an abortion it doesn't mean I, or any of us who had an abortion, did not love our child even if we'd only seen a sonogram picture and it was less than three months into the pregnancy. We have all made the best decision we could have, for ourselves and our children.