I gave my verbal concern, but my voice was ignored, the sound of my voice and the words I formed came out of my mouth but drifted into no one's ears, just left to drift to expiration. I was raped.
12 hours later I consumed the first of the two pill series of plan B.
The next month my period was late. I took an e.p.t test and the results were in my favor, negative.
My period never came that month. I took an e.p.t test and the results were in my favor, negative.
The next month my period never came... I went to my doctor. I was with child.
My thoughts included these:
whose body has my mind inhabited? This is not mine. my rapist's DNA is my body, he is in my body, he has taken my mind and my body, I want it out, as soon as possible, take it out, now!!
I had to wait two weeks for my procedure to take place... those two weeks were the longest of my life. I wanted to do it myself. I felt like a parasite had entered my body, a leech of some sort effecting every part of my body. I wanted to tear it out of my body... I would lay in my bed and stare at my stomach, tears to fear to disgust to anger.
Thoughts of when does life take place, is it at conception? Is it at birth? who was inhabiting my uterus? who hijacked my uterus? What would this soul be if carried to full term?
Morning, day and night my mind was polluted with such thoughts.
It was the day of my abortion. I looked at the sonogram image, said my peace and gave authorization to continue the procedure.
It has been the best decision of my life, it has reconnected me to my mind, soul and body. It has given me direction on where to expell my life energy.
since, i have become a rape crisis counselor, a community outreach coordinator for a pro women reproductive health clinic and have intentions of becoming a Doula for women whose sexual assualt had resulted in pregnancy with intentions of keeping it or giving it up for adoption.
I silently knowledge the would have been birth day of that tiny teacher.