Six days ago I found out that I was pregnant. I took at least three home tests that day, but I couldn't understand how this could be possible. I have been seeing this guy for two years now. We were not exclusive but I fell in love with him.
Two days ago I had an abortion. I loved the few days of being pregnant. I love children and will be a great mom. He will be a great dad. But we are both in college, and neither of us have any money. It would have been impossible and unfair to bring a child into the world. He and I would not have been together, I would have been a broke, single mom in school.
I was terrified. The day took forever. I was finally on the table awaiting my surgical abortion. I felt pain but not as badly as I expected. I just cried hysterically for what might have been, for what should have been. Only a tiny embryo, but I already loved it. When I looked at it on the ultrasound, that was the happiest I have ever been. But I knew it would be impossible for me to raise a child right now.
On the ride home, he and I both cried. We wondered who it would have looked like and if it would have been a boy or a girl. I am truly lucky to have had him there with me every step of the way. I don't know how I feel about it. I am grieving but I am relieved. This is how it had to be. But I will love that potential forever.