I had my first and only abortion exactly a week ago on October 27th, 2010.

Initially, I had my abortion set for the Thursday prior. However, upon going in for the appointment they discovered I was either earlier than seven weeks, as I was told, or that this was an unhealthy pregnancy, as there was only the gestational sac present in my ultrasound reading. The doctor gave me the time to contemplate two options, which were to either continue with the abortion at that point in time or take a blood test to see where my HCG (?) levels were, and then come back a week later for another ultrasound and review the blood test.

There were pros and cons to this. If, in fact, this was an unhealthy pregnancy, I would most likely miscarry on my own and not need the surgical procedure. If this was a normal growing pregnancy, it would be better to wait another week so the doctor could ensure that he removed all tissue/sac/etc during the procedure.

I chose to wait another week and take the blood test.

When I went back in for the second time, they said my number was fairly high from the previous test. We did the ultrasound again, and all that was in there was the gestational sac. No fetus. No heartbeat. Nothing. At that time, he confirmed it was a unhealthy pregnancy and expected my the levels to drop again, if I chose to wait another week. At that time, I could not handle another week of knowing what was going on, keeping it a secret from 95% of the people in my life. Having that reassurance in knowing that it was unhealthy, gave me the courage to go through with the procedure. Besides, a miscarriage can happen at any time. I did not feel comfortable as it could be 4am in the morning with nobody around, or when I would be at work on the islands, far away from a hospital. So I agreed to proceed with the procedure that day.

Overall, the procedure was not as bad as I had made it up to be in my head...especially after reading so many stories online. I had a female nurse in the room with me who held my hand. I was given a shot of local anesthesia, which really did not do anything. The doctor prepped my cervix with a numbing shot, it felt like a tiny sting, about once or twice. Next, I felt two instruments go inside, which seemed similar to the clamp they put in when doing a pap, but it felt larger and went in deeper. The next I felt this other instrument slide in, which is what was used to open the cervix-- this is where it became the most unpleasant for me. I can still feel/recall the few pumps they did to open it up. Then came the vacuum procedure. I felt that too. It was short, uncomfortable, made me cramp up instantly.

But it was over before I realized it. I just focused on breathing, holding the nurse's hand, and clamping my other hand into a fist. I was sort of scared at that point and became very shaky and cold. But it was over by then. I was then given a blanket and rested for 10-15 minutes.

Post procedure, day of-- I was fine. Emotionally tired and drained. Physically, I felt fine. I had no vaginal irritation or discomfort. I had no pain or discomfort in my stomach. I was just crampy and achey in my lower sides/back as I was and have been since what I thought I was in my "pre-PMS" phase, but learned that I was pregnant. I bled lightly for 2-3 days, it was almost a faded brown color. I was given two medications: one to make my cervix go back to it's regular size, and the other to prevent infection. I think I've actually had more of hassle from the medications rather than the actual procedure. The medications made me very faint/nauseous and even more crampy when I would take it.

It has now been a full week since my procedure. I have been lightly-- LIGHTLY-- bleeding on and off for the past 2-3 days. Two small clots were present yesterday when I went to the bathroom. My cramps and aches have FINALLY eased up. I actually went without any yesterday, for the first time in over two months. Today, however, I am feeling slight aches and the light bleeding has started again. I go for my follow up visit next Wednesday.

I am confident that I had a successful procedure and I do not regret my decision, before and after knowing that it was an unhealthy pregnancy. I am not ready to enter that stage of life. I want people to know that I thoroughly thought it through to at least go through the pregnancy and keep for myself or give up for adoption, but I am just not in a place mentally/emotionally where I could be so selfless.

It only takes one unprotected time to get pregnant. That is what happened to me. Once I have the money saved, I plan to go back to the doctor who did my procedure to get the IUD (as I am sensitive to the hormones placed in birth control pills.)