I met Kristofer in college. We fell in love quickly and were engaged our senior year of college. When we graduated in 2006 we moved to FL, set a wedding date for December and moved in together. We were young.
There were problems. I had a slighted ex-boyfriend that continually bothered me and Kristofer was jealous. In short, I had no idea what I was doing. We were smart though. We used birth control.
Things fell apart with us leading up to what would have been our wedding. In the December after we graduated, we broke up. I was devastated. I had just returned from a funeral and he dropped the "break-up" on me. I knew it was coming but I did not want to admit it. My whole life revolved around him. I had moved to FL for him and planned my life around him. In those situations, break-ups are always the most difficult. We tried to remain "friendly." A week after we broke up, we met for dinner at a sushi place. Throughout the course of dinner I started feeling nauseous and towards the end I went to the bathroom to throw up.
The following week was Christmas and we parted ways. Over Christmas I shared a bed with my sister. Christmas morning I woke up and told my sister I thought I was pregnant. She drove me to a pharmacy to buy a test. I did not need to see the to two pink lines to know I was pregnant. I called Kristofer and told him. He told me he would call me later to discuss it. I called him the next day. On Dec 31 we met up in FL. We made love. He put his hand on my belly and named the baby. The next day he told me he wanted me to end it. I had an abortion on Jan. 3, 2007. He was late picking me up at the clinic after the procedure (3.5 hours to be exact) and it was pouring rain. I cried.
A year and three months later I married another man. He is a wonderful man. My husband told me this Christmas he wants to have a baby. It has been four years and I am worried that I will be a terrible mother. The first decision I ever made as a mother was to terminate my pregnancy. I have of course told my husband all of this and he is as sympathetic as he can be. I went off birth control a week ago.
Kristofer has since moved on and had another failed engagement. He (being Catholic) has sought forgiveness from a priest. Maybe he has been lucky enough to find peace, but honestly I hope not. I blame him.
Pro-abortion is not a stance. Pro-choice is. It was the right decision at the time for me but I hate that happened. I will always wonder "what-if?"