I’m a mom. I’m a good mom. Deciding to get an abortion was the hardest choice I’ve ever had to make. At the end of the day it was my choice and my choice alone. They always tell women facing unplanned pregnancies that they have OPTIONS. I felt that either option I chose would be extremely difficult.

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was scared, and I cried the whole day. I knew deep down inside I couldn’t handle another pregnancy. My son had just turned one, and I had sacrificed so much just to have him. I had to have a cerclage, which is a stitch to close your cervix, and progesterone shots weekly for my second and third trimesters. I was on bed rest for most of my pregnancy with him. He is my joy and pride, and I love being a mom.

With this pregnancy I felt different. I was not prepared financially, mentally, physically, or emotionally. Keeping this pregnancy would have meant long days of suffering. I was living at home with my parents. My son, my boyfriend, and I shared one room. We struggled. I am in college full-time and am barely scraping by with a part-time job. Furthermore, we were on the verge of being homeless. How could I carry a pregnancy under these circumstances? I had a son to support, and no stability. It was not fair.

I did not choose abortion because I did not love my child. I love all the children God has blessed me with. My first two were miscarriages, one at 20 weeks and 18 weeks, my miracle one year old son, and this one I knew I could not keep. I chose to give this child back to God. I don’t look at my abortion as murder. I look at it as a sacrifice and a lesson learned. Women who chose abortion are not weak, we are not selfish. We realize just how precious a new life is. Too precious to be brought into the world suffering, too precious to be given a half ass childhood, and half ass dedication from their loved ones. No one wants to do an abortion. I sure as hell didn’t. I cried, I prayed, and I asked for strength.

On the day I went to Planned Parenthood, there was no turning back. I don’t regret my decision, but I know I never wanted to do this again. I get my IUD inserted at my follow up appointment. I hope this can prevent another unplanned pregnancy. In the meantime, I will prove to myself and the child I had to sacrifice that it was not in vein. I will finish college. I will become stable. I will give my son on this earth a better life. And then I will be able to embrace another pregnancy and another chance to bring life into this world. Until then I want to tell my unborn child..that I’m sorry. I loved you. I know you are in a better place.

We are women. We are life givers. Only we can decide when and if we become mothers. Nobody on this earth has the right to judge us.