I was 23 and newly married when I found out I was pregnant. At first, I was angry at myself for getting pregnant. I had lost my insurance and had been off of the pill for barely a month, and we obviously weren't that great at using condoms, because I had gotten pregnant.

We had both agreed that we would consider having children after we were both finished with school and financially stable. But here we were: I was still working on grad school applications and he was still doing his undergrad work, and we were pregnant.

Our first reaction was to terminate. While I have always been pro-choice, it wasn't a choice I ever wanted to make personally. But now I really had no other option and it was tearing me up inside. We had crappy jobs, no insurance, no real support system, and on top of everything I had found out months earlier that I was a carrier for a genetic disorder which could cause mental retardation in my children.

There really couldn't have been a worse time for me to get pregnant. I didn't want to kill my baby, but I knew it was the best decision for us. I want to have children, in the future, when I can care for them and provide for them and give them everything they deserve. But in the meantime, I have to learn to accept the decision I made and learn to forgive myself.

I am not a bad person. On the contrary. I am a strong woman who made a hard decision, and I will live with it and grow from it, but my heart still weeps for the child that never got a chance.